This year, my word is “passion”, so in learning to have passion, I am trying to learn who I am outside of other people and structured activities. I’m learning to play and to do things that I didn’t learn when I was a kid due to fear, anxiety, depression, and other factors.
Today, I went to a movie by myself and it was the best choice I could have ever made.
I hurt myself at work this week, my back is killing me, I’m going to the doctor tomorrow, and I needed to do something, anything, to take my mind off of it. What better way to do that than to lose myself in a story? I went and saw The Greatest Showman.
Not only was the movie just phenomenally written and performed, it was really just an all around wonderful experience for me.
With my word for the year being “Passion”, this was the best movie choice I could have made. (I’ll try not to give any spoilers.)
The movie was a bout P.T. Barnum, a showman, and ringmaster that existed in actual history. I don’t know much about Barnum in real life, so I can’t vouch for the historical accuracy and truth of the storyline, but I can vouch for the truth of the movie’s message. it told the story of Barnum’s passion for being a showman, for his family, and for the world he wanted to see for his family.
It was also a sort of cautionary tale, warning of the dangers of letting your passions consume you so much that you lose sight of what really matters in life, family, friendship, and love.
In a way, though it didn’t directly relate to my faith, I found it to have a tone to it that I could agree with as a Christian. You should not focus on getting more and being more. Your passion for something should not come at the cost of what really matters, and definitely not at the cost of your soul.
Altogether, the story was a good lesson in passion for me to start the year off with.
Moreover, going by myself was just a good choice for me. I had never been to the movies by myself before this afternoon. I was always told that it was more of a people thing, something you did with someone so you could have more fun. But, the people I always go with (usually family) like to make comments that I don’t care to listen to because I just want to lose myself in the story. Because of this, I tend to also start making comments, which detracts from the story and my ability to lose myself in it.
Before going, my mother and my aunt made sure to let me know that there is no shame in going to the movies with other people, even if it’s because I’m afraid to go somewhere alone where I’m not in complete control of the situation. But, I learned today, that going alone to something you might normally go to with other people, is okay. It lets you absorb something for yourself and determine if you actually enjoyed it, rather than accepting the opinions of others as your own.
I’ll say now, I don’t think I would have loved this movie as much as I do had I gone with other people. I would have listened to comments from them, and picked up their opinions of it before I could fully develop my own opinion. I have a bad habit of deferring to the opinions of others and if they don’t think it was as good as I did, I back off and almost feel ashamed of liking it more, like I’m wrong – even if there is no wrong or right.
Basically, I never get to fan girl because I’m so self-conscious about showing any enjoyment of anything that the people around me don’t enjoy.
I’m really excited now because I have at least a week to develop my own opinion before someone I see on a regular basis forms an opinion. (My aunt is seeing it next Sunday.)
Taking myself to the movies, was the best choice I’ve made so far this year, and it’s only day 7. I can’t wait to see how much more I can grow this year, what I can learn about myself, my faith, and the world I live in.
I’m excited to dream with my eyes wide open. 😉