“Fake it till you make it.” was one of the favorite sayings of my band director from middle and high school. He used to tell us that when we couldn’t find or hit a note. Or if we were in the middle of a concert and we got lost. We were just supposed to fake it until we found our note/place. For me, faking could be playing improv until I figured it out or just pretending to play and sneaking looks at everyone else’s fingers to see what notes they were playing in what order and then try to count and see where we were. That’s really hard to do when you’re the only bass clarinet in the band for the moment. Also really hard when your playing tuba.
More and more lately I’ve found that this phrase applies to other places in life as well, not just in band/music. Work, school, driving, socializing and conversation, finances, and last but not least – writing. So basically, this phrase applies to life as a whole. Another variation I’ve heard is “Grind it till you find it.” in reference to manual shift cars. (Of which I might be looking for one in the near future.)
And that brings me to today’s topic. I have no clue what I’m doing. I’m not just speaking about writing and it isn’t a metaphor. I just don’t know what I’m doing, here on this blog, in college, with my writing, my reading, my life.
I was reading in 1 Samuel this morning for my devotions and I read the anointing of David and then the section right after where Saul calls David to court. What stuck with me today was that David was just a shepherd, the youngest of… I think eight brothers if I do my math right. He probably had no freaking clue what was going on when he was anointed by Samuel and then suddenly called to be one of the King’s armor bearers/music player. Yet, he went.
David was put in place by God to do great things.
I know nothing about what I’m doing. I don’t even know what’s happening in my life right now. Grad school? No grad school? Writing, no writing? I’m not even sure where I am with my faith these days. I’m probably one fo the most fickle people out there. I mean, even when I’m not actively seeking God, I’m trying to live the right way. But that’s not enough.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13
This is the verse that sticks in my head more than any other. Because “fake it till you make it.” isn’t always the answer. But this… this verse applies to everything. Yesterday I talked about how I’ve lost my life to my art and how art is just a part of life, a support system. But here’s the thing. I don’t think that applies to faith. I don’t think Faith is a support system for life.
I think faith is supposed to be life.
This is my pledge to myself, to God, and to you. I’m going to seek God before I seek my art, and maybe, just maybe, in my art, God will come through.
I can fake it till I make it all I want, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never make it if I don’t start looking in the right places and with everything I have. Dedication is what I’ve gathered as a rule from successful people. And what is dedication if not giving one’s self over to something with one’s whole heart and being?